In English we have once again been studying Stormbreaker, the brilliant Alex Rider spy novel by Anthony Horowitz and consistently the book that the pupils in Rowan class enjoy the most each year. We asked the Rowan Class pupils to rewrite the car crusher scene from Stormbreaker after watching a clip from the film and without allowing them to read the relevant pages in the novel.
We discussed all the features of Anthony Horowitz’s writing (from different parts of the book) and set the pupils the task of producing writing so convincing that the general public wouldn’t know which was the real scene from Stormbreaker when put alongside some pupil entries. We focused particularly on descriptive language – particularly personification, sentence openings, ambitious vocabulary and varying sentence length to create tension.
There are six samples of writing, but only one is the real scene from Stormbreaker written by Anthony Horowitz. Vote for the writing you think is produced by one of our favourite authors. Will it be the correct choice or will one of our pupils have produced a piece of writing so good that it could be mistaken for Anthony Horowitz himself? Read on below and then please vote. All comments are welcome.
Writing A
Two men slowly approached the car. Alex had to hide! Without thinking, he launched himself into vehicle, hoping to remain undetected. Without warning, sharp, steel claws jerked the battered car and Alex up, spraying glass shards as sharp as diamonds and curtaining him with intense pain.
The next thing Alex knew, the BMW (with him in it) was lifted up towards the sky. For a brief moment time stood still, as if he was flying, but that didn’t last long…
With force greater than gravity, the BMW was released and plummeted into the grasping hand of the crusher. Slowly yet surely, the jagged wings of the hideous monster of a machine engulfed him. Through a tiny gap, in the ruined beyond repair car, he could almost taste the chilling smooth surface of the deadly, man-made beast. He kicked and kicked the door with such force it should have shattered. But nothing happened This was it… The end… He was ready to see his family again.
Writing B
Alex crouched down. He didn’t dare make a sound. Without any warning, a fearless dog sprinted up to Alex, aggressively barking. Alex didn’t know what to do. He looked around frantically, until he realised that he could hide inside of his uncle’s dented, silver BMW which was parked in front of him.
Cautiously, Alex jumped through the window and curled up on the grey, velvet car seat, knowing that the dog was probably going to jump up on to the window. The dog did just that, his dark eyes full of anger and strength, his teeth as sharp looking as knives, ready to bite in to anyone ready to fight him.
Alex stayed as calm as he possibly could. Luckily, a man called the dog’s name and the hound disappeared. Feeling relieved, Alex took a deep breath. He thought he was going to be safe. Then, unexpectedly, eight sharp, rusty claws grabbed the top of the car. Alex panicked as he tried to protect his face from the shattering glass that was sprinkling down on him like multiple hail stones.
The claw lifted the car up in to mid-air. Only for a second, the car suspended. Alex felt oddly relaxed. He breathed in the last bit of fresh air, before he and the car were dropped into the crusher’s hungry mouth. His petrified eyes grew wide. The crusher’s jagged teeth were closing in. Alex thought about the times when he made jokes about being squashed into strawberry jam. Now, it was about to become reality. He kicked the door fiercely. He failed. “Is this real?” he thought.
Writing C
And then something hit the BMW with such force that Alex cried out, his whole body caught in a massive shock wave that tore him away from the steering wheel and threw him helplessly into the back. The roof buckled and three huge metal fingers tore HEAVEN FOR CARS 21through the skin of the car like a fork through an eggshell, trailing dust and sunlight. One of the fingers grazed the side of his head . . . any closer and it would have cracked his skull. Alex yelled as blood trickled over his eye. He tried to move, then was jerked back a second time as the car was yanked off the ground and tilted high up in the air.
He couldn’t see. He couldn’t move. But his stomach lurched as the car swung in an arc, the metal grinding and the light spinning. The BMW had been picked up by the crane. It was going to be put inside the crusher. With him inside.
He tried to raise himself up, to wave through the windows. But the claw of the crane had already flattened the roof, pinning his left leg, perhaps even breaking it. He could feel nothing. He lifted a hand and managed to pound on the back window, but he couldn’t break the glass. Even if the workmen were staring at the BMW, they would never see anything moving inside.
His short flight across the junkyard ended with a bone-shattering crash as the crane deposited the caron the iron shelves of the crusher. Alex tried to fightback his sickness and despair and think of what to do.
Any moment now the operator would send the car tipping into the coffin-shaped trough. The machine was a Lefort Shear, a slow-motion guillotine. At the press of a button, the two wings would close on the car with a joint pressure of five hundred tons. The car, with Alex inside it, would be crushed beyond recognition. And the broken metal—and flesh—would then be chopped into sections. Nobody would ever know what had happened.
He tried with all his strength to free himself. But the roof was too low. His leg was trapped. Then his whole world tilted and he felt himself falling into dark-ness. The shelves had lifted. The BMW slid to one side and fell the few yards into the trough. Alex felt the metalwork collapsing all around him. The back window exploded and glass showered around his head, dust and diesel fumes punching into his nose and eyes.
There was hardly any daylight now, but looking out of the back, he could see the huge steel head of the piston that would push what was left of the car through the exit hole on the other side. The engine tone of the Lefort Shear changed as it prepared for the final act. The metal wings shuddered. In a few seconds’ time the two of them would meet, crumpling the BMW like a paper bag.
Writing D
Without any warning, two live beings headed in Alex’s direction like undetected ninjas. One was a raging, hungry dog – it seemed to be the property of the human workers. Suddenly Alex noticed them. He had no choice but to leap inside the car. Alex thought he was undetected, but the raging dog launched at the battered, car window. The dog barked as if Alex had punched it directly. Suddenly someone called,
‘Chase! Get out of there!’ The dog then went back to its rightful owner.
With no warning. Alex felt a wave of nausea like something bad was going to happen. He was right, immense metal, sharp claws grabbed the front window of the BMW. Alex was petrified with curtains of fear covering his body. It was like he was being stabbed multiple times in his chest. It couldn’t get worse, Alex thought, but the terror was only just beginning. The BMW was launched up the air. Alex was petrified as the wait seemed to last for hours but was actually just ten seconds.
The claw dropped the car with the force of gravity into the awaiting crusher…Alex felt miserable as death awaited him. The crusher then started engulfing the battered, broken BMW, he knew he had no chance of surviving…
Writing E
Out of nowhere, a crazy dog started charging at Alex, who was in his own world, studying the broken BMW that looked like a battered fish from a fish and chip shop. Gunshots were imprinted in the used car. As Alex realised that a dog attack was underway he launched himself into the ruined vehicle. Leaping up at the shattered window, the angry, bulky German Shepherd bared its razor sharp teeth. Luckily, an unknown man shouted at the vicious dog. For a brief moment, there was silence.
Without any warning, a whopping steel claw seemingly as big as the Empire State Building jerked the car up with Alex in it too. Glass shards flew everywhere, embedding in his skin, smothering him with deep pain.
With the force of gravity, the BMW and poor old Alex were released and plopped into the mighty grasp of the crusher’s petrifying claws.
Slowly, the wings of the crusher started to close in. Time stood still. Then, Alex found an escape, or so he thought! Kicking with all his might, he tried to make a life saving escape! Sweating, he thought of how he could get crushed by this monster. At the thought of this he just kicked harder and harder. But to his dismay it didn’t work. He took one last deep breath … what was he going to do now?
Writer F
Sneakily, Alex crept into the battered, silver BMW, looking for any hidden clues of his uncle’s sudden, mysterious death. His dirty, callused fingers traced over tiny, bullet holes in the car door. Time stood still. Without a warning, three extendable, metal arms clawed through the roof of the BMW. Alex was absolutely terrified.
Metal was crunched. Glass was shattered as if it was a china vase. Alex didn’t make a sound. He was too petrified. Suspended in mid-air, Alex felt as if he were a baby bird learning to fly; frightened to death. The moment seemed to last a life time, before he was finally released. He felt as if he were a stone, sinking fast into water. Malicious car crushing teeth, began strangling the car as an adder would do to its poor, whimpering prey. He had to do something! He began kicking frantically. Nothing happened.
He remembered joking with Jack, that, whenever his uncle came home late, he had been crushed by cars squashing his BMW as the traffic would have been terrible. Now it was real. Goodbye cruel world.
Liss: Year 6 